Every Thursday, we hope that you enjoy “The Joy Factory: Insights on Joyful Parenting (Among Other Things)” by Ruthie Yarme. More about Ruthie below.
As I reached the top of the ladder, my heart was pounding. The thumpthumpthumpthump came not from the climb, but from my fear. I crawled onto the narrow platform and stood up. I clutched onto the hand-hold, trying not to remember that how high I was, berating myself for the ego-led decision to climb up without a belay rope. If I fell, the net would surely catch me, right?
I took some slow, deep breaths. When the women assisting me attached my harness to the safety wire, the thumping slowed. Or, I should say, it slowed until they asked me to stand on the edge of the rise, grab for the trapeze bar, thrust my hips and upper body out from the landing and wait for their signal to jump.
It wasn’t a rational fear. I was now strapped in, safety net clearly below me. It wasn’t as if I were in danger. But my heart didn’t quite understand that. Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump….
One woman yelled, “Ready”; I bent my knees. I knew that at the next signal, “Hep,” I would be expected to jump off of the narrow platform and swing at crazy heights through the air. Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump….and “Hep.”
I let go of thinking, jumped out and soared. As if by magic, I flew out and away. At the next signal, I pulled my knees in and over the bar. By this time, fear had fled completely as my hands let go of the bar and I allowed my body to fall backwards toward the ground.
I was flying, suspended 30 or so feet in the air, hanging from my knees. I reached behind me, stretching my whole body back as if to catch the arms of someone on another trapeze.
My heart still pounded, but now for an entirely different reason. Complete and utter exhilaration filled the space left by fear. Exhilaration and joy. This was living, this moment of soaring.
Within moments, I was once again hanging onto the trapeze bar with my hands. A quick back-flip and the ride was over; and I was hooked.
I waited my turn (my kids, a niece, several nephews and a sister-in-law were equally hooked), climbed back up and soared again (and again and again and again). The fearful thumpthumpthump had disappeared completely. It was all joy and exhilaration from then on.
As I reflect on it all, I find myself wondering how many such experiences are out there that I don’t even recognize due to fear. As it was, I had almost let this one pass me by.
I hadn’t really thought about what I was getting into at first. Trapeze class…could be fun. I really didn’t imagine that they would let us up on the “big rig” during the first class, so I wasn’t even worried about volunteering myself.
After the learning session on the low bar, I realized that we were really going up….and soon. I waffled and wavered. “Maybe not today.” “My shoulder hurts a bit” (which was true, but I clearly was able to move past it!). “I’ll give my turn to the kids.”
I sat on the sidelines, watching the others go. Each one came down with such sparkle in their eyes. I had to decide- could I move through my fear? Could I trust the safety net? Yes. Could I trust the rigging? Yes. Could I trust myself? Yes! You know the rest of the story. I climbed; I thumped. I decided to let excitement trump fear. I breathed; I leapt; I soared. I remembered how fun it is to live in joy!
Note from Ruthie: Speaking of living in joy, there is still one more spot left in our “Fuel Your Life from Spirit” retreat. Take a leap and join us for some soaring!! Click here for information.
Ruthie Yarme is a homeschooling mom, living in Santa Cruz, CA. She delights in walking among the towering Redwoods; watching her dog, Ginger, romp along the Pacific; listening to her husband play music of all styles; and pretty much doing anything with her two amazing gurus, Isabella and Andre.
You can find Ruthie’s essays here every Thursday. She would love to hear your thoughts on parenting, partnering and joyful living. Feel free to contact her at moc.camnull@emray
