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Note from Stacey: Usually I “discover” the writers we feature on Wednesday, but today’s writer actually discovered me. She left a comment after one of my articles was featured on another website: “So interesting to me – finding you and this post – because I use the “midwife” metaphor to talk about my work in Spiritual Direction.” I followed her from there to her website and was immediately impressed by her passion for extraordinary (“renegade,” as she calls them) conversations. I signed up for her newsletter and love every article. I asked that this one in particular be reprinted here and she kindly consented. Read more below about Ronna and how to continue the conversation!
One of my all-time favorite stories is The Lord of the Rings. I love the tale, the fantasy, the drama, and the characters themselves.
The adventure of Frodo and Sam, complete with elves, dwarves, a ranger/would-be king (not to mention talking trees, wizards, strong women, and deep, forgotten magic) may not mirror my day-to-day life, but there’s something about their quest, their struggle to remain alive, their perseverance and determination that is both reminiscent and inspiring.
As is true with all good stories, the themes within give me a glimpse into my own life. Perhaps not life-or-death, I still live a story that is full of peril, drama and danger. It’s hard work, this attempting to stay “alive:” living out-loud, remaining in places of desire vs. shutting down, telling the truth, and consistently, over and over again, not settling.
I’m guessing that story is not mine alone.
Living out loud has all kinds of risks and ramifications, doesn’t it? We fast forward scenes in our minds and are immediately plagued by familiar voices that keep us silent. “It’s not worth it; think of how others will respond if I say and do what feels most true for me!” “I can already imagine the price I’ll pay if I actually live authentically, from my heart – all the time.” “I’m too much. Best to tone it down and play it safe.”
Remaining in places of desire has its own struggles. To truly acknowledge what we most want, what we most deeply hope for, what we ache for – whether in work, relationships, and/or circumstances – is painful. It’s easier to deny, to shut down, to “accept” the cards we’re dealt. We tuck our vulnerable hearts back into their shells and soldier on. Desire is dangerous.
Telling the truth is far more than just not lying. First, we have to learn how to tell ourselves our truth and then, if that weren’t enough, tell it to others – in our actions, our emotions, our behaviors, and yes, our words. It’s living out what I know-that-I-know-that-I-know – no matter how hard, how painful, how scary. Easier said than done.
Not settling is almost antithetical to how many of us have lived our stories, thus far. And when we do settle, it’s an accumulation of not living out loud, not acknowledging desire, not telling our truth. When we recognize this, it can be excruciating. We wish there were an easy way out.
These twists and turns are inevitable in our story’s plot. And still, our natural inclination is to wish for something, anything different. Just like Frodo.
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.
For me, encouraging thoughts exist any time I can make even the smallest of movement in the themes of my own story; anytime I choose to live out loud, acknowledge desire, be a truth-teller, and not settle. Hardly a once-and-for-all activity, it’s an ongoing journey, a quest, an epic drama that I’m attempting to live out every day.
And for me, encouraging thoughts exist when I recognize that I do not live this story alone. I am surrounded by amazing companions, fellow travelers, sojourners who cheer me on, acknowledge my pain, and encourage/enable sometimes just one more step.
Isak Dinesen said, “To be a person is to have a story to tell.” Yours and mine are far more powerful than The Lord of the Rings. The challenge is to acknowledge such, to take on our role with abandon, and play it to the hilt. To be renegades.
When we are able to do this – sometimes only in moments and glimpses, other times in full scenes and seasons – that is a life lived out loud, full of desire, marked by truth-telling, and anything but settling. That’s an amazing story!
If you want to think about/hear more, join Ronna in her upcoming Teleseminar: Telling the Truth in Extravagant Ways. It’s on Tuesday, April 13, from 6-7:30 p.m. (PDT) and is totally free! Click HERE for more information and to register.
Ronna Detrick, principal and owner of RENEGADEconversations, is a speaker, a writer, and a mentor/spiritual director. She calls herself a Renegade and hopes for the same on others’ behalf: “amazing people who live from their hearts.” And she loves good conversation, on any topic, but most often in the realms of Faith, Feminism, and Telling the Truth.
You can follow Ronna on her BLOG, TWITTER, and via her NEWSLETTER .
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for sharing this post – I’ve been “following” Ronna for a few months and hadn’t read this one. She is my inspiration to live out loud and take the chance to just be ME!
It is amazing how so many of us are afraid. How many of us “tone it down”. We’re all wanting to be ourselves, and I’m so glad that more and more of us are “giving each other permission” to be who we truly are. It has made such a difference in my life, and I know it’s doing the same for others. It’s so encouraging to read these kinds of blogs! Thank you!
BTW – I’ve probably watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies at least 20 times! My very favorite line is when Lady Arwen faces the black riders across the river and says, “If you want him, come and claim him”. It defines the strength of women for me. Her character is my favorite too! (well, next to Legalos…but entirely different reasons!) LOL
Interesting post but I’m having a hard time seeing the correlation between the ideas of living out loud and remaining in places of desire with the journey of LOTR’s hero, Frodo. Frodo’s journey was one of self sacrifice and ‘soldiering on’, doing his part in a great struggle against forces of evil. It very much reflected Tolkien’s experiences in the trenches of WW1. Gandalf’s speech was all about accepting the cards he was dealt and making the best of them. His encouraging thought was his faith in the powers of good that guided their paths. Other than remaining true to ourselves, living according to our own moral compass, I don’t see how Frodo’s story encourages us to live our dreams. I think instead it encourages us to live with courage, faith and humility when dreams and hope remain elusive.
Shawna: Thanks so much for your kind words – and SO good to know there is another LOTR fanatic out there! More we have in common…
Chiarina: Love your perspective and take on this and am always SO willing to have conversation with people who see things through a different lens than me. I am totally tracking with what you’re saying as you compare Frodo’s journey to our own – one of soldiering on because he must “vs.” my call to remaining in places of desire. So many times when we find ourselves in places where we wish we were dealt different cards, we shut down. It’s all we can do to soldier on. In the process our desires feel far too dangerous, too risky, and invite too much potential pain. We don’t dare hope when circumstances are so dire. We want to turn back. We wish “the ring had never come to us.” And yet…this is our story. We must live it. We do soldier on – and sometimes only because the voices of others (an/d/or our own true, deep voice) ring in our heads and hearts giving us the ability to take one more step, to press on, to continue.
I also think that Gandalf was calling Frodo to the reality of a larger narrative…one that he may not be able to completely see…one of encouragement – and hope. For me, that tenacious clinging to a larger story – even when it doesn’t make sense – IS desire, IS hope, is all I can hang on to when all else seems so dark.
And though I didn’t articulate in this post, for me, Sam is the hero of LOTR. He is the one who continues to hope, believe, desire. He is the one who consistently hears his own voice and trusts it – even when its disregarded by those he most trusts and cares for. He is the one I think of most when I read this book or watch these films. His desire is intact…and that is an encouraging thought – for me.
Thanks for your thoughts!
I had to giggle a little when I read your response regarding Sam, Ronna. I’m also a LOTR fanatic and posted on theonering.net for a long time and the debates there on who was the hero of the story were always quite heated. I think we see the heroism most in those we identify with. I love both characters but Sam’s story was always the happy one while Frodo’s wrenched my heart. I admired his ability to go on beyond hope and his capacity for kindness. Though small in stature he will always be larger than life for me.
Warmest regards,
Chiarina
Hello all!
It is so wonderful to come back from a day hiking in a gorgeous Redwood forest to see this conversation!
And *I* had to giggle, because I never identified with any *one* character in LOTR: for me it’s all about the *fellowship.* It’s the ultimate story of strangers and adversaries creating community, sharing a difficult journey, helping each other to achieve success against all odds—and ultimately learning though adversity to savor the passing moments of their ordinary lives.
It’s fascinating to look at many different interpretations and delightful to embrace them here! Thanks so much for contributing to the conversation! Much love, Stacey
Stacey I found you on Twitter and loved your blog name: midwife for your life and had to visit. Then I came across Ronna’s article here and what a breath of fresh air.
Ronna, I loved this article and thought it was enlightening, empowering and spoke to a different place in my heart than other personal development articles do.
Thank you for a wonderful find in both your blog and Ronna’s writing
Steven: So glad you found Stacey – and me! Your words are so encouraging and I look forward to more great conversations!
Hi Steven!
Thanks so much for your kind note! Ronna and I have been marveling at the lovely connections that are available through Twitter (that’s how we met!) and I’m so glad that you found us!
Ronna’s perspective is very special and I’m so glad that it resonated with you too! I too hope we will all enjoy many more conversations in the future! Much love, Stacey