Add Gratitude to Your Toolbox

Note from Stacey: Today’s guest writer is Ellen Brown. I met Ellen on Twitter and we immediately recognized that we share a similar passion for helping people thrive through challenging transitions. You can read Ellen’s bio below. I hope you will go to her website and learn more about all of the amazing work she does!

Many years ago, when I was healing from child sexual abuse, my therapist proposed what seemed like an outrageous idea at the time.

After I’d described how difficult it had been over the past couple of weeks, dealing with flashbacks and body memories of the abuse, she validated my feelings, as always. Then, easing forward on the couch, she told me, in the softest of voices, that she had an assignment for me. Over the course of the next two weeks, she wanted me to write down five things for which I was grateful, each day.

At first, I was angry. Who did she think she was, suggesting that I be grateful when I was dealing with all these atrocities? What in the world did I have to be grateful for, anyhow?

Though she understood I was struggling, it was important for me to consider the good in my life, in the here and now, rather than focusing all my attention on the past, she said. At the time, I thought her idea was cruel and unusual not to mention the biggest bunch of bunk ever. While I was too polite to say so, I’m sure my facial expressions spoke volumes.

Nonetheless, I started my assignment the very next day, albeit grudgingly. At first, I struggled to come up with my “five things.” Sure, I had a supportive husband and our house was okay or maybe even pretty good. But what else? We had a sweet dog. Enough money. And as the saying goes, at least I had my health. Big Deal, I thought. Who cares! Needless to say, I didn’t connect with the spirit of the exercise on that very first day.

But what happened over time surprised me. After the first couple days, the exercise became easier, and especially when I allowed myself to FEEL the gratitude instead of disconnecting from the process. When I did, something shifted inside. I felt more hopeful and connected to people and less bitter. I was softening, yielding, coming home to myself.

Why am I telling you all this? Because traveling through life with an attitude of gratitude can make you feel more happy and peaceful. It may even help you have more faith in yourself, and in God (or whatever you call your higher Power).

It’s certainly had that effect on me. Looking back on that day with my therapist, I am so grateful that she had the courage to push me beyond the bounds of my comfort, because that one little exercise transformed my life.

Today, I not only recommend this gratitude exercise to clients who are dealing with job loss or the death of a loved one or caring for a relative with a chronic condition, or overcoming rape or sexual abuse, I do it myself. Religiously. Because when I “forget,” I don’t feel as happy or grounded or connected with people.

If you’d like to experiment with bringing more gratitude into your life, here are some ideas to get you started:

• Make a list of the 5 best things that happened to you today and everyday.
• Write down the names of 3 people in your life for whom you are grateful and list the reasons why for each person.
• If you are dealing with a difficult situation right now, consider what you’re learning from the situation. For example, if you lost your job, ask yourself what am I learning from this experience?
• Be on the lookout for reasons to be grateful, whether it’s a beautiful sunset, the person who lets you into traffic or your loved ones who support you by making the morning coffee or walking the dog.
• Send a thank you note to someone who’s made a difference in your life, describing why you appreciate him or her.

Notice how you feel after trying these strategies, and please let me know what you think. I’d especially love to hear what helps you have an “attitude of gratitude!”

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio. She helps clients navigate difficult transitions with courage, hope and optimism. Visit her website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. You can also find her Facebook fan page here: http://bit.ly/cVZhnW.