I once attended an event with Byron Katie, and one of the many people who joined her on the stage was a young woman who was visibly distraught. (Katie has a process she calls “the Work” that helps people release their stressful thoughts. If you’d like to read more about my interpretation of it, click here.)

She asked this young woman what was distressing her. Crying, the woman said, “I don’t know what my purpose is.” Katie led her through the Work, and encouraged her to see that she no longer needed to pursue “purpose with a capital P.”

She told the young woman that her discomfort was because she was lying to herself. She was in pain because she was telling herself she needed to be doing something other than what she was doing. And it wasn’t true.

By the end of her time with Katie the woman seemed relieved. I talked with her after the event, and she said she definitely felt better. She understood Katie’s point that if she could stop thinking she was supposed to be doing something really special, she would be happy. But she was still a little dubious. She said it still didn’t feel like enough.

I knew what she meant. When I was 20 I had no idea who I wanted to be when I grew up and the ignorance was not bliss—it was painful. My father was a physician, and my older brother was in medical school, and I perceived a lot of pressure to choose an “important” profession, something that would give my life a deep sense of purpose.

A while back I took the Enneagram questionnaire and discovered I’m a “7,” which is an “enthusiast,” someone who seeks new and exciting experiences. This means that a lot of different paths look attractive to me, and of course that was my problem at 20. I didn’t know how to decide which path to choose, and so I didn’t. I graduated from college, took the path of least resistance, and ended up working as a nanny.

I’ll never forget hearing my dad tell one of his friends that he couldn’t believe that, after spending tens of thousands of dollars on his daughter’s education, she was changing diapers. I felt embarrassed by his comment, but it wasn’t like I could protest—I couldn’t believe he’d made such a huge investment with so little obvious return either.

So I set the intention of “finding my purpose.” I decided that by the end of the year I would know which path to choose, and that I would look for clues like a detective—talking to people who seemed happy and fulfilled in their work and listening closely for my own voice to express itself, for my internal guidance system to point me in the right direction.

I was raring to go. And so I was surprised to discover a pivotal clue in a free weekly paper. One day I was looking for activities for my young charge in a local parenting magazine, and I saw an ad for a women’s health center staffed by midwives. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

I didn’t even know that midwives existed in a professional capacity—I thought they were the stuff of folklore—and I was intrigued. And that’s the moment I would say I felt my internal guidance system kick in. It seemed to be pointing me right to this clinic. I was overdue for a yearly checkup, so I made an appointment and ended up talking for more than an hour with the midwife who did my exam.

I left there knowing that I wanted to be a midwife and that I would do whatever it took to become one. Good thing, too, because it took 7 years. That was almost 20 years ago and I still love midwifery as much as I believed and hoped I would the day I left that clinic.

I could never have imagined how my life opened up to me after I made my decision to become a midwife, and I believe 100% that it would have opened as fully to me if I had pursued any other path—because it’s definitely held true for any other dream or goal I’ve committed to.

Working as a midwife also revealed my passion for coaching. When I first heard about life coaching—the profession of helping other people define and achieve their dreams—I thought, “That’s what I do every day.”

It only took about 3 more years for me to realize that I could pursue my passion and create the business that allowed me to quit my hospital job (but not midwifery!), help many more women discover their purpose and achieve their dreams, and all while providing for my family.

So I would say to anyone who doubts their purpose: you could take a page from Byron Katie’s map and see that your purpose is to take the path before you, and simply avoid the side paths that are marked with doubt or fear.

Or take a page from my map and be a detective looking for clues to your purpose. Simply pay attention over the next couple of days or weeks or months. After all, the best way to find something is to look for it. But here’s the key: set a definite date by which you will decide what your purpose is and then fully commit to it.

Or finally, you could take a page from Mother Theresa’s map. She said, “In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.”

And that is enough.

If you liked this post, I think you’ll enjoy the free weekly Special Delivery eZine. Just sign up here and it will delivered to your inbox every Tuesday!

{ 1 comment }